Monday, March 24th, 2008
Beautiful Noise
Over the last couple years, some very cool stuff has been happening at the old Berkeley Church in Toronto, long converted from its original purpose as a house of worship to an event hall. My only experience was the totally insane show the Yeah Yeah Yeahs played there during the Film Festival last year and between being pummeled by the rest of the crowd and having Karen O scream in my face, I can confirm it’s a lovely room.
A room that, for the last few Springs, has also played host to the tapings of the Beautiful Noise television series. It’s a live performance show along the lines of Austin City Limits and has featured the likes of Feist, Voxtrot, Neko Case and Sloan, amongst many others… and if you’ve never seen or even heard of the show, it’s because it’s been broadcast exclusively on the RAVEHD high-def television network in the States (if you live in the States and subscribe to RAVEHD and have seen the show, disregard that last sentence).
That is, until recently. There were some open invites for studio audiences during the tapings of season two last Spring and this past Fall, SUN-TV began broadcasting the show locally on regular cable at 7PM on Saturdays – this I discovered whilst channel surfing one evening and just happened upon the Kathleen Edwards show.
That’s all well and good, you’re saying, but surely I’m not just going to sit here and play commercial for a television show, right? Right. Season three begins taping next week, and if you thought the lineups for past seasons were impressive, check this out.
March 31 – My Morning Jacket
April 1 – Jim White / Sarah Slean
April 2 – Kaki King / Jon Langford / Dr Dog
April 3 – The Constantines / Ted Leo & The Pharmacists
April 4 – The Black Angels / The Donnas
April 5 – Islands / Stars
April 6 – Thriving Ivory / People In Planes
April 7 – British Sea Power / Yo La Tengo
And to answer your first question, no, the artists are not playing any other shows while they’re in town for this. And to answer your second question, yes you can attend… but not easily. There’s not going to be a general public open invite this time but the producers have given me a number of guest list spots for each performance to give away to you, gentle reader, but I’ve been instructed to not make it easy. Hence the conditions of this contest, which some might call fiendishly clever in its intricacies. If said people had an incredibly low standard for fiendish cleverness.
It will work as follows: Leave me a comment below with your correct email in the “email” field – spam-proofed is fine – and list off, in order, the tapings you would like to attend. For each of the multiple-artists shows, you must answer the following: if this were an ultimate fighting-type celebrity grudge match rather than a concert taping, which of the performers that night would triumph and why. Be descriptive. If you want in for the My Morning Jacket taping (which I imagine many of you will), tell me what contemporary artist would be able to best the boys from Kentucky in a mixed martial arts competition. If you want to see People In Planes, well I don’t really know boo about them so just say so. Everyone deserves a bye.
I have two pairs of passes to give away for each show, so winners will be selected randomly from all qualifying entrants (the conditions above are for my and everyone else’s amusement) and each awarded their first available choice until all spots are spoken for. You can only win once. Does that make sense? Note that save for the MMJ taping, which has doors at 8:15PM and show at 9, all shows have doors at 6:30PM and the first performer at 7, second at 9 (or 7, 8 and 9 for the three-fer). So if you’re going to throw your hat in the ring, make sure you can get there – Queen E and Berkeley (Parliament) – on time. Lollygaggers will not be admitted. The contest will be open until 5PM on Thursday, March 27. UPDATE: Contest closed early. Will explain tomorrow. Winners being notified now.
Check out some footage from past seasons of Beautiful Noise at their YouTube channel.
MP3: Jim White – “Crash Into The Sun”
MP3: Kaki King – “Pull Me Out Alive”
MP3: Jon Langford (with the Waco Brothers) – “How Fast The Time”
MP3: Dr. Dog – “The Girl”
MP3: The Constantines – “Hard Feelings”
MP3: Ted Leo & The Pharmacists – “The Sons Of Cain”
MP3: The Black Angels – “Young Men Dead”
MP3: The Donnas – “Don’t Wait Up For Me”
MP3: People In Planes – “Pretty Buildings”
MP3: British Sea Power – “Waving Flags”
MP3: Yo La Tengo – “Pass The Hatchet, I Think I’m Goodkind”
Pitchfork interviews Michael Stipe of R.E.M., NPR also has an interview and Spin offers an excerpt of their forthcoming cover story on the band. Accelerate arrives next Tuesday and they play the Molson Amphitheatre June 8. And you can stream the whole thing right now.
Stream: R.E.M. / Accelerate
Sample another track from DeVotchKa’s new one A Mad And Faithful Telling. The National Post has an interview with frontman Nick Urata.
MP3: DeVotchKa – “Transliterator”
Feist talks to ET Canada about her puppet-powered new video. And look for her to play Dolly to Bry Webb’s Kenny on a cover of “Islands In The Stream” coming out on a 7″ single April 1. More details at Chart.
Billy Bragg, via a New York Times op-ed, challenges social networks to start paying royalties to artists who stream their music on their sites. Commentary (and links to more commentary) on Bragg’s piece at Coolfer. Billy’s new one Mr Love & Justice is out April 8 and he plays Harbourfront Centre on June 17.
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3/24/08 8:58 am
Would love to see MMJ. Hmmm, dunno about martial arts but I bet the Lucero boys could beat them in a drunken bar brawl. That would be Tennessee over Kentucky.
3/24/08 9:05 am
Frank, on April 4 the afternoon slot will be taken by Joel and Bill Plaskett.
Although I’ve already RSVP-ed for the MMJ show, I haven’t yet heard back so I’ll enter your contest here as well.
March 31 – MMJ – A contemporary artist that could best MMJ in mixed martial arts eh? Peelander Z are by far the most limber and acrobatic, so while MMJ could stand and deliver solid body shots (they move a bit slow in Kentucky), perhaps in harmony as the Lay Low guitar duel would suggest, I think Peelander would be ninja-like and quick like cats when it comes to manoeuvring. MMJ would win based on the soundtrack to the fight, and they’d outnumber the Peelanders too. I’m not good and describing imaginary fights.
3/24/08 9:28 am
I’d like to see the Constantines/Ted Leo show, please. For who would win in an ultimate fighting grudge match between the two… well, it would pretty much be a draw. Here we have possibly the two most hardest working bands in music today, I’m betting they could throw it down in the ring something fierce. If I had to choose one to win, I suppose the Constantines, due to Dallas’ moustache. That thing is a stone-cold killer.
3/24/08 9:32 am
April 1:
I don’t know if Sarah Slean would be much of a brawler, although like her good friend Hawksley Workman she may be both a lover AND a fighter. So I imagine a scenario where Sarah talks to Jim and explains why a grudge match would solve nothing, then when he least expects it, Sarah would shout "APRIL FOOLS!" and nail him with an uppercut.
April 3:
Ted Leo would break out some tough crowd-thrashing moves he learned in the ’80s DC hardcore scene, and even though he and the Rx would be outnumbered by the gang from Guelph, they would be ultimately too hardcore to overcome for Bry and the boys (although I’m sure that Cons drummer Doug can throw down with the best of them).
April 5:
Nick Diamonds would start off with a few futile left jabs and then resort to confusing Stars with some leftover freestyle raps from Th’ Corn Gangg. Alas, Torquil and Amy would break out their "celebration guns" and scare their Montreal brethren into submission. There would be no "soft revolution" from Stars in this match; their revolution would be hard as a rock.
3/24/08 9:40 am
March 31 – MMJ. I need to see them square against the Drive-By Truckers!!! But DBT would probably win…
April 7 – BSP/YLT. BSP outnumber YLT, but YLT will win. Expreience…
3/24/08 9:53 am
Aaaaaaaaaaand in this corner, Islands!
Three words: Islands. Are. Forever.
Aaaaaaaaaaand in this corner, Stars!
The band that couldn’t fight their way out of a wet record label! (wait for it…)
Aaaaaaaaaaand the winner, by TKO, Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiislands!
Jason
superchunk090@hotmail.com
3/24/08 10:00 am
April 5:
Islands definitely do have the edge here. Islands would come out swinging hard, and would easily take out Torquil as he’d ask to be taken away from this riot. Amy though will stand tall but once The Arm comes out, the Islands will walk away victorious!
April 7:
BSP vs. YLT would be a close battle, but due to the young age of BSP they will have more fight in them, plus it is champions league season right now and the brits have a few soccer teams left, so we know the country is full of a very strong competitive spirit.
3/24/08 10:04 am
British Sea Power vs. Yo La Tengo – BSP vs. YLT. Both sound like delicious sandwiches, although I’d personally opt for the YLT myself (with bacon)
Islands vs. Stars – Islands would win, mainly due to their secret weapon (Jim Guthrie in a white jumpsuit)
3/24/08 10:08 am
MMA eh? Well it would be pretty awesome to see My Morning Jacket face off in a mixed martial arts showdown against the Black Keys. Just before they start to sprawl and brawl they’d pick up their guitars instead and it would be time to SOUND CLASH. It wouldn’t be fair, five versus two and all.
Awesome.
3/24/08 10:27 am
Would love to see MMJ!
tough one, lets use some Toronto artist to do the dead.. HAyden, slick, quiet, and under rated in the octagon. A skilled tactitioner of the choke hold from any position on the mat. Less we forget "bass Song" he has a mean swing, and could possible knock them out!
cheers
Gavin
3/24/08 10:55 am
Alright, here goes.
March 31st:
I’m literally dying to see MMJ. But what I’d like to see even more would be a triple-threat explosive battle of former allies, pitting Jim James (Backed by his road-worn band of southern highway misfits) against BOTH M. Ward (accompanied to the ring by his lovely & enchanting valet / manager Zooey) AND Conor Oberst (accompanied by nobody, of course). The three contrasting fighting styles would make for a hell of a match, but one has to believe that even despite the possible disadvantage of being far more stoned than his opponents, James would outlast both through sheer grit.
April 3rd:
All 5 Constantines surround Ted Leo, exchanging menacing glares. Crafty and experienced, all are armed with concealed weapons (mostly lead pipes) despited having been checked by the referee. They move in unison, much like the Jets or Sharks, adorned in matching leather jackets emblazoned with "Young Lions," as circle their prey. Leo is unaffected though, his resolve strong, and simple sits cross-legged in non-violent protest. He then proceeds to Blog about the ordeal in painstakingly rational detail, and the Cons are rendered defenseless to his logic and down-to-earth demeanor. They lay down their weapons and agree to fight side by side for the greater good.
3/24/08 10:58 am
Would definitely like to see in my fav. order MMJ, Islands / Stars, British Sea Power / Yo La Tengo, The Constantines / Ted Leo & The Pharmacists. (it appears everyone else is just naming 1 band but your post indicates we can select multiple….so i did)
As for the great battles listed above I would have MMJ face off against The National in their MMA fight. This would be done best in tag-team format whereby Jim James and Matt Berninger could start the fight, trading punches and fierce kicks, only to pass it off to the drummers (Patrick Hallahan would have the upper hand here). Once they had cycled through the respective band members the two heavyweights would get back in the ring together, Matt would begin to sing softly and Jim James would grab him, through him into the guillotine choke and MMJ would win by submission.
As for the others (in less descriptive fashion)Islands would take out Stars (probably via some type of choke hold), Yo la tengo would beat BSP (via a well planted arm bar) and The Constantines would deliver a brutal 1st round knock out to Ted Leo. Book it!
3/24/08 11:21 am
April 3rd:
The crowd is thirsty for blood, and Fanta Orange. But since no Fanta Orange is available…they’ll take blood. And there will be some. Blood, I mean.
The fighters enter the caged area awkwardly, warily. On one side: The Constantines — trim and lanky, yet ready for throat-punching. On the other: Ted Leo + Pharmacists, equally lanky, equally trim, yet beardier and hairier. Except, of course, for Mr. Leo himself, his head recently shorn for maximum non-grab-ability.
There are gruff, shy introductions. And then the horror begins. You have to give Ted Leo + Pharmacists credit — for a time, the three of them hold their own, despite being older and fewer. But then — and not without sheepishness at their flagrant impoliteness — The Constantines, as one, launch devastating suplexes. And while their adversaries lie stunned, the apologetic kicking begins. When it’s over, the crowd is sated, The Constantines are uncomfortable, and Ted Leo and The Pharmacists are really uncomfortable. Physically.
3/24/08 11:34 am
In order: Constantines/Ted Leo
Ted would win the battle after cleverly pulling out a bottle of Jameson’s and deciding the match with a drinking contest
British Sea Power/Yo La Tengo
BSP would start fucking with Atoms and Yo La would concede: ‘You Can Have it All’
My Morning Jacket
Easy match as soon as MMJ showed up in their satiny pre-fight robes the others would flee
3/24/08 11:37 am
April 5 – Islands / Stars
This is clearly a cut and set match, Islands have violin bows and many many Asian members, who while known for performing jumping jacks while playing the violin in their co-ordinated outfits could no doubt turn that spunk into some raging kung-fu, besides Nicholas Thorburn used to go by Nick Diamonds, and that’s a name that could bring the smack down to anyone.
The reason this is such a threat to Stars is because while a very lovable bunch the combination of flying violin bows, jumping jacks, and co-ordinated outfits would no doubt quickly overwhelm the band. Torquil would probably miss the fight while sitting in the bar observing the matter, and Amy wouldn’t stand much of a chance without any serious back up.
Islands definitely take it.
Fingers Crossed,
Steve McGill
the_truth_about_life@hotmail.com
3/24/08 11:41 am
I’d like to see MMJ. so here goes…
squaring off in the octagon:
Jim James vs. Dan Bejar
each reluctantly cornered by their bandmates.
the first round is spent in a long and uneventful square-off as each man sizes the other up.
second round begins and so does the action.
Bejar yelps as James finally pounces and administers a smelly headlock.
desperate to release himself from the hold, Bejar resorts to a much-feared arcane defense and blurts out, "flesh to stone! flesh to stone!" as James stands frozen and keeled over in the center of the ring, Bejar sits on a stool in his corner, nurses a beer and plays a glockenspiel while the seconds tick down from the clock.
the third round passes in the same fashion, with Bejar leaving his stool in the final 20 seconds to slap James’ stony face repeatedly.
Dan Bejar wins on points.
as the referee lifts his arm in the air to declare victory, Bejar points at the frozen James and exclaims, "a statue is stone that rejects its own pulse!" and the crowd erupts (except for the ones who’ve been talking endlessly at the arena’s bar since the fight started).
3/24/08 12:11 pm
My Morning Jacket:
The martial arts, karate-chop hoedown, would be against the Black Crowes, and inside the Maxim office Jim James would Lay Low and begin a Wordless Chorus. Two Tones Tony would let the Knot Come Loose while plucking his bass. Patrick Hallahan, What A Wonderful Man, is going to lay the Low Down and Strangulation! from his kickstool like a Steamengine. If All Else Fails remember Evelyn Is Not Real and Bo Koster, The Bear, will come By My Car with Butch Cassidy (Nashville to Kentucky) to drop the X-Mas Curtain. And then, since the War Begun, Carl Broemel, Heartbreakin Man, Easy Mourning Rebel, will come and bring the Old September Blues and we will have One Big Holiday as My Morning Jacket sends the Black Crowes with a Thorn in Their Pride right out the door!
3/24/08 12:17 pm
I’d love to see Islands and Stars!
April 5th – Islands vs. Stars:
Well to start off, members of Islands outnumbers Stars. So already, Stars are at a disadvantage. But we must not count out the power and energy of Torquil Campbell on stage – he means business. And of course if Amy Millan was to get her hands on any form of alcohol, everyone should fear for their lives. Nick Diamonds/Thornburn can easily take out Campbell though – case and point: Islands at SXSW (http://stereogum.com/archiv…) If you watch the video for "Where There’s A Will, There’s A Whalebone" he chokes rapper, Subtitle! Nick’s crazy and is not afraid to use drumsticks as a weapon. But just as Alex Chow takes out Evan Cranley with his violin…Amy gets angry (because Chow’s attacking her boyfriend) and throws flowers (that are always on their stage) at everyone! So in a shocking turn of events, Amy fights everyone off…except for Nick, who comes from behind as she is celebrating with her whisky and chokes her with the same drumsticks he took Campbell out with. Tragic, yet exciting!
So to conclude, Islands win!
Pick me, pick me, pick me!
Have a great day,
Melody
3/24/08 12:44 pm
Constantines/Ted Leo
Ted is a smart man: He would suggest the grudge match be carried out in an arm wrestling contest. Ted’s superior arm-wrestling skills have already been chronicled, and they are OVER THE TOP.
The Constantines (and the other Pharmacists, for that matter) would be no match for Ted.
3/24/08 1:04 pm
The only band that could take on the mighty MMJ would be the feisty, crotchety CSN and, of course, Y. Especially Y.
Yo La Tengo could most likely take on ‘the Power’ since they probably really like rock ‘n’ roll.
Stars are huge and bright, and islands are lonely and solitary.
And Jim White could swing a guitar or two at Sarah Slean, perched on her bench.
3/24/08 1:07 pm
HI!
I’d love to attend the Saturday April 5th date w/ Islands and Stars!
I’d be the most obvious choice because.. just because!
SO PLEASE choose me!
3/24/08 1:25 pm
Yo La Tengo is not afraid of British Sea Power and would beat their asses.
3/24/08 1:41 pm
THE DONNAS!!!
I would have the Donnas battle each other in a mud wrestling extravaganza to see which Donna would reign supreme. There can only be on Highlander so there can only be one Donna!
3/24/08 1:55 pm
JAB should win the Yo La Tengo passes for his last entry…
3/24/08 2:15 pm
I’d like to attend the MMJ followed by Kaki King & Dr. Dog.
My Morning Jacket would be tough in a fight but Jim James doesn’t look as tough with his shorter hair.
Denton, Texas band Slobberbone would give MMJ a good bar brawl as would. Robert Randolph and his Family Band including cousins Marcus and Danyel look like they could kick some serious ass. Soulive’s brother combo of Alan and Neal Evans would be tough as well.
Let’s just hope MMJ wouldn’t show up to the fight in their Hawaiian outfits and wigs which they wore last September during their set at the Austin City Limits Festival.
3/24/08 2:25 pm
British Sea Power v. Yo La Tengo
When he loses a highly publicized virtual boxing match to ex-champ Yo La Tengo, reigning heavyweight titleholder British Sea Power retaliates by challenging the Greatest Band In The Universe to a nationally televised, 10-round exhibition bout. To the surprise of his son and friends, Yo La Tengo agrees to come out of retirement and face an opponent who’s faster, stronger and thirty years his junior. With the odds stacked firmly against him, Yo La Tengo takes on BSP in what will become the greatest fight in boxing history, a hard-hitting, action-packed battle of the ages.
Islands vs. Stars
This can be seen as Darwin v. Gallileo, the Galapagos v. the Milky Way. What a battle….at least, that is the billing. In the end, Stars’ mathematical formulaic dismantling of Islands’ abstract and rope-a-dope style will result in a victory by decision. I can’t wait for the rematch.
3/24/08 2:44 pm
Islands versus Stars
Islands have an advantage number-wise here (especially if they draft Busdriver and their secret Cadence Weapon), but Amy’s solo career would lead me to believe she’s seen her fair share of barroom brawls. Plus, they’d probably set themselves on fire as an intimidation tactic.
It’d be a close match, but Islands are forever, and Stars would be left up in their bedroom after that war.
3/24/08 3:42 pm
1. Cons/Ted Leo
2-MMJ
3-Black Angels/ Donnas
4-British/ Yo La
5- King/ Langford/ Dog
While I have a feeling that both the Cons and Leo boys would get along famously, should they be forced into a cage match in a primetime event on Pitchfork’s new tv channel this is how it would go. Leo and Bry start things off with Leo Giving Webb a Beat down (hey, he seems like a lover. He starts picking on Steve Lambke, calling him nerd, crushing his glasses, etc., causing Steve to run out of the building. The rest of the band jumps in for a 3 on 3 brawl with Doug chewing off Chris Wilson’s leg. Canty takes out Kidman, leaving only Dallas and Leo left. Dallas, decked out in a sequined costume he made just for the occasion, humbly admits he’d rather be drinking and convinces Leo to join him for a brew. Leo agrees and as soon as Dallas turns his back to exit the ring, Leo knocks him unconscious with his own bass. He stands the winner until Steve re-enters the building, having received extensive anti-bullying training from a mysterious man named Drillbit Taylor. Steve puts on a clinic, leaving Leo bloody and defeated. Steve accepts his defeat on the condition he record a b-side re-imaging of The Osmond’s "I’m A Little Bit Country." Leo, of course, has to sing the Marie parts.
3/24/08 3:51 pm
I would throw the little know group White Gold in on this.
http://www.youtube.com/watc…
watch this and see if you can recognize who White Gold really is…
3/24/08 4:13 pm
Islands/Stars!!!
Islands may have strength in numbers, but Amy Millan+whiskey+killer cleavage would outmatch those skinny boys easily.
Torq and the rest of Stars would watch, shake their heads sadly while murmuring "we warned you", and then write an achingly beautiful song about the ugly trouncing.
3/24/08 4:26 pm
I would love to see the Baroness herself, Sarah Slean, square off against Jim White on April 1st.
Sarah’s a poet, photographer, composer, song-writer, painter, student, film maker, fashion model, actress and lets not forget a mixed marital arts fighter. I can only imagine when she went on hiatus into the wood and again to venture into Paris it was to work on her deadly crafts.
She has been scorned by a couple of men and now she is telling them to Get Home. Jim is best to watch out for this Black Widow as she has already taken down Martin Tielli.
If Jim wants to stand up or take it to the ground, Sarah will hammer down on him like her and to the amusement of the crowd will do it while in C major.
She’s played cards with Judas and been coached by both the camps of Science and Religion. Come on Jim, let’s get it on!
3/24/08 4:30 pm
^Cameron/ProdigyBoy
*correction, doesn’t look like my spam-proofed email address displayed.
cameronb(AT)gmail(DOT)com
3/24/08 5:02 pm
April 2nd – for Jon Boy Langford and Dr. Dog! As for who would win…..I give it to Jon hands down. He would do his Fox River kicks, and helicopter guitar moves and ward off all attackers. If the physical doesn’t work, he could destroy anyone with his wit, intelligence and good looks!!! Then fry ’em all in his Electric Waco Chair!
Dr. Dog – they’re just a bunch of happy, nice, funny guys and just don’t stand a chance!!!
3/24/08 5:31 pm
March 31st:
I’m pretty sure that MMJ could take on all comers, but for some reason, my first instinct was the Kings of Leon. I don’t know about there skills in martial arts, but I have a feeling that this band of brothers would have no problem fighting dirty. However, they might be to worried about messing up there hair.
April 5th:
Islands vs. Stars. Islands… easy. Those mofos are crazy. They had Subtitle in a drum mallet choke hold at SXSW, imagine what they would do with Torquil. Just look out for Amy.
3/24/08 5:42 pm
March 31:
I think the Flaming Lips may have a chance against MMJ. If the Lips bring all of their large costumed characters, they could probably take on MMJ and their big costumed bear from Okonokos! They may look happy, but I think they could stand a chance based on sheer volume.
April 5th:
Stars/Islands. It’s a toss-up. Two bands with French-Canadian roots… ANYTHING GOES. I may have to give it to the Stars based on the possibility of any Broken Social Scene interference.
3/24/08 7:08 pm
(shoot I forgot to say this part)
April 5th:
hmm Stars and Islands.. I’d definitely say Stars; imagine all the possibilities when Amy Milan is drunk.
3/24/08 9:32 pm
In this very hypothetical situation where hypothetically Islands and Stars would want to duke it out with one another, I’d have to put my money down for the Islands. Why you ask? Well, I’ll tell you (I thought you’d never ask!)
Nick Diamonds. When he’s got that white paint on his face… well… would you want to fight him? Didn’t think so.
-Grahamalaladingdong
3/24/08 9:44 pm
MMJ please!!!
MMJ is brock lesner, and lionne Ritchie is Frank Mir…..everyone thinks that the big man is stronger, but the submission abilities, and tenure in the octagon (not to mention his ability to dance on the celling) frank pulls out a fairly quick victory…JIm puts up a good fight, but several more years, and albums (please), will get jim and co where they need to be in octagon…
thank you,
Steph
3/24/08 9:48 pm
I would love to see My Morning Jacket!
I personally don’t know if Jim James and co would ever engage in an MMA fight…I think he’d just sweet talk his way out of it and then jam with whoever was trying to take him on.
However, I think the singer from the Sunparlour Players could get up in Jim’s face because he looks so much like him and people always tell him that. Jim would be confused, thinking he’s looking into a mirror and let his guard down eventually leading to his demise.
I hope I get to see this band live.
3/24/08 11:27 pm
************** British Sea Power vs. Yo La Tango***********************************
Ladies and gentlemen, tonight’s main event is sure to be one for the books.
In this corner, British Sea Power come out with Flags Waving.
But No Need to Cry Toronto, looks like Yo La Tengo’s Kaplan is Mr. Tough.
Let’s see whether either group can transfer their musical talent into raw martial-arts-meets-melee-style tactics for tonights: Indie Celebrity Death Match
Although the charming accents of BSP may suggest a passive demeanor, the boys from across the pond stay true to their name. It looks like the more experienced Yo La boys hold some old school moves, but ultimately they lack the vigor and power of Brighton’s favourite export, so
ding!ding!ding!
TKO for British Sea Power!
Thank you for tuning into tonight’s match!
3/25/08 8:26 am
First choice:
April 7 – British Sea Power / Yo La Tengo
Second:
March 31 – My Morning Jacket
Third:
April 5 – Islands / Stars
As for the fight scenario… seems pretty obvious in both the first two cases.
BSP/YLT
—
While YLT have the edge in experience and gristled road-weariness, BSP have the edge in crazy! It’s the same idea as The Joker vs Batman… though Batman has strength and cunning on his side, as well as years of training – the Joker always gives him a run for his money by UNDER-thinking him… BSP have broken arms falling out of trees collecting branches, if that doesn’t mean they can win a scrap with YLT by sheer wiles I don’t know WHAT does…
WINNER: British Sea Power
MMJ
—
Someone took the Lips, who I thought might have a chance, so I’m going to have to say: MMJ vs hippies everywhere. The jam-band thing that they’ve been looped in with due to some of their prog leanings has put them on some odd bills… so the fight, in this case, is clearly to escape the jam-rock ghetto… and to do so, they will need to climb over some hippies. Using their full sonic arsenal, and confounding their opponents with GIANT riffs and walls of sound – it would be a VERY quick, VERY awesome battle – with MMJ handily besting all hippies (as can be seen by their inclusion on this list – they MUST have escaped the jam-band ghetto to get here… meaning hippies everywhere had to fall… it’s the circle of life)!
WINNER: MMJ – no contest!
Stars/Islands
—
This one seems like a bit of a BSP crazy-fight again (on the Islands side of things) – BUT – as cute and lovable as Stars are… they also have a TON of friends. With their whole involvement in the BSS collective and shared band members (and shared stages) – they would not have to enter this fight alone… if Islands got an early upper hand, the BSS collective would certainly come out to back up our fighting Stars, handing them the proverbial chair (in WWF parlance) to get the leg up needed to win the fight.
(Besides, Stars could always do the supernova thing… GAME OVER!)
WINNER: Stars (but this one was close!)
Thanks for this contest… very weird… very fun [smirk].
3/25/08 9:58 am
Yo La Tengo vs. British Sea Power
Yo La Tengo is not a afraid of them and will kick their ass! ’nuff said
WINNER: Yo La Tengo!
3/25/08 10:17 am
1. MMJ vs Pinback
If anyone could kung fu the reverb it’d be rob crow. Plus Rob does have a profane secret weapon that could very well defeat Jim’s acting talent. while the rest of mmj have pinback well outnumbered pinback is a machine and it’d battle to a draw.
2. BSP vs YLT
um, james mcnew?! really, would any of them noodle armed bspers have anything for him? plus that man must have mad skills to add to the size. just a quick listen of something like blue line swinger will let you know georgia could pummel all comers. now ira would instantly get his ass kicked but sacrifices must be made in such tourneys.
3/25/08 1:19 pm
*My Morning Jacket*
Well I have a hard time picturing anyone from MMJ fighting, except for maybe Patrick Hallahan. Seriously, he beats the crap out of the drums so I’m guessing he would be just as aggresive in the ring. As for Jim James, I think he might have SOME fight in him, judging from "By My Car" (You said Evan is coming over again; And I said, if he does, I’ll kick his head in). SO, if JJ got angry enough I think he could do some damage – and maybe he’d enlist Patrick as backup. As for who would make him angry enough to do so… lets just say that the Evan he refers to is Evan Dando. And even though Evan Dando has a bit of a mean streak to him, I can only imagine that those long loose limbs of his wouldn’t produce much of a fight against a roundhouse by JJ and a beat-down by Patrick Hallahan.
3/25/08 1:34 pm
My Morning Jacket – MMJ are bad ass, so they challenge all Jam Bands on the festival circuit to a fight where the losers get haircuts, and of course MMJ dominates in this battle.
Yo La Tengo/British Sea Power – Yo La Tengo named an album PAINFUL, and pain is what they’ll bring to British Sea Power. James McNew is a big fella and he could single-handedly bring down British Sea Power.
3/25/08 5:05 pm
My Morning Jacket – I know for an absolute fact that MMJ would make putty out of any challenger, and for this fact alone, I’d love to see them fight Nickelback. Each member on each member. Krueger getting choked out hard and Jim James ignoring the tap-out. Morbid? C’mon, it’s Krueger.
Kaki King / Jon Langford / Dr Dog – Not sure who Jon Langford is, but for the sake of me winning these tickets, I’ll just say: lead singer of Dr. Dog off the top rope with a flying elbow drop, while Kaki King chews the turn-buckle George the Animal Steele-like.
British Sea Power / Yo La Tengo – Tough time here. I’m picturing at least two members of one band dressed up like the Bushwhackers, while the other band are disguised as WWII English Naval vets. hmmm
Islands / Stars – Hard core bitchslap fest. Split decision.
The Constantines / Ted Leo & The Pharmacists – Not sure. can I have the tickets though?
3/25/08 10:48 pm
1) MMJ – No matter how many ringers/members Broken Social Scene brought in, they would not be able to take down the Southern boys.
2) Islands/Stars – Stars would seduce Islands into a sex coma with their dreamy pop, then take ’em down. Might not be fair, but thems the breaks.
3) Constantines/Ted Leo – Constantines, no doubt. Something tells me Ted’s pen is mightier than his fist.
3/26/08 7:52 pm
oh god. i hope this still works!
only request
stars/islands.
PLEASE!!
ekongoli@gmail.com