First off, I only watched this because it was on TV and I was sitting in front of the TV and was fairly comfortable. I remember thinking when it came out in the theatres that there was no way this could be good – and as it turns out, I was right. Now I loved the original Aliens films (first couple, anyway) and liked the Predators as well, but this had train wreck written all over it. Thin – no, transparent – characters, awful acting, not nearly enough Aliens fighting Predators, far too much people being stupid and not dying fast enough. And at the end, it turns into a buddy-cop flick. Really, a travesty on all levels. So of course they made a sequel. Of course they did.

Trailer: Alien Vs Predator

This one was pretty much what you’d expect, like three decent late-era episodes run back to back and with higher quality animation (more detailed environments, more panning, camera angles, etc). Laugh out loud funny at a few points and a steady level of chuckling through most of the rest. Not a film anyone was necessarily asking for but welcome nonetheless. And the fact that it exists (hopefully) means that the live-action one that’s been muttered about for years never, ever will.

Trailer: The Simpsons Movie

This was a loaner from a guy at work which sat on my shelf for many many months before getting played. A Japanese period piece about two lovers from rival villages of mystical warriors who are pitted against each other by the emperor, it’s a cross between Romeo & Juliet and Mortal Kombat that plays out far more like the video game than the play. Some great cinematography and decent fight scenes are offset by wooden acting, a negligible script and some clunky CGI resulting in a net viewing experience of total indifference.

Trailer: Shinobi: Heart Under Blade

I’m perfectly willing to admit that I had no idea what was going on this movie – and yes, I’d seen the first two – but it was still so much fun to watch that I didn’t really care. I suspect that the plot doesn’t hold up to close scrutiny so why bother? Last I remember, Barbossa was back from the dead and they were going to save Jack Sparrow, who had been eaten by the Kraken. Okay. So they have to go to Singapore to do so? Sure. Sail over the edge of the world? Why not. Fight vengeful sea goddesses? Of course. Alls I know is that swashes are buckled, things blow up good and I still don’t like Orlando Bloom.

Trailer: Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World’s End

So everyone loved this movie. I expected to love this movie. I did not love this movie. I mean, it was mostly alright with some really funny bits but those were mostly the little ad libby bits that had nothing to do with the film itself. But my main problem was that I was not, for one minute, convinced that Katherine Heigl would want anything to do with Seth Rogen. Not before they hooked up and certainly not after. There’s just nothing especially redeeming or appealing about him. But, of course, this is Judd Apatow-land where no matter how clueless or crude, the dork gets the girl – not something I have any issue with, I’d emigrate if I could – but this time out it rang just a little too false for me.

Trailer: Knocked Up