Guided By Voices are splitting up.

Last night onstage at the Bowery Ballroom, Bob Pollard announced the news. Billboard reports:

“That’s it,” Pollard said about an hour through the three-hour set, “You can’t be the Rolling Stones. You’ve gotta quit while you’re relatively handsome.”

GBV’s 21-year career will “go out in a blaze of fire,” Pollard insisted, adding that the group’s final show will be held on New Year’s Eve in New York. “We are the kings of indie rock. When we quit, indie rock will die.”

Maybe an overstatement, but there’s more than a bit of truth in that. This follow-up apparently comes from the webmaster of GBV.com:

After almost 20 years, assorted lineups, and countless albums, EPs, singles, triples, stolen bases, misdemeanor convictions, and broken hearts, Dayton, OH’s fortunate sons are taking leave of your senses. ‘Half Smiles Of The Decomposed,’ to be released August 24 on Matador Records, will be the final album from Guided By Voices, one of the most acclaimed independent rock bands of all time.

“This feels like the last album for Guided By Voices,” explains Robert Pollard, GBV’s lone constant member, lead singer, and famously prolific songwriter. “I’ve always said that when I make a record that I’m totally satisfied with as befitting a final album, then that will be it. And this is it.”

‘Half Smiles Of The Decomposed’ is the band’s 15th full-length studio release, following 2003’s ‘Earthquake Glue’ and retrospective box set, greatest-hits, and DVD releases. Although its tour later this year will be the band’s last, Robert Pollard will continue writing, recording, and (possibly) touring as a solo artist. “I love the guys in the band, but I’m getting too old to be a gang leader,” he explains. “There’s a sense of maturity, and even integrity, I think, in continuing as one’s own self.”

Wow. Even though Bob is essentially the band, at least as far as writing is concerned, to retire the band is pretty momentous. It’s also a shame, as Doug Gilliard has added so much to the music that I’m sure will be missed. Talk about your ends of eras. Guess I can’t be missing their last (!) tour this Fall, and I should spin some Alien Lanes today in tribute.

(Cover art for Half Smiles Of The Decomposed here)

BUT – if Bob and the boys ever decide to reunite, The East Bay Express can offer some advice on the odds of succeeding versus crashing and burning, at least as far as 80s indie-rock bands go. Mission Of Burma, Pixies and Urge Overkill act as case studies. From Donewaiting.

np – Neil Young / Decade

You may recall that Darren Aranofsky (Pi, Requiem For A Dream) was supposed to bring Frank Miller’s Batman: Year One to the screen not too long ago, but that project got turfed in favor of Christopher Nolan’s Batman Begins. Aranofsky’s next project did draw on comic source material – Lone Wolf & Cub is currently in production – but Ain’t It Cool News reports he’s still going to be able to add a legendary comic book adaptation to his resume – Watchmen. Solid Snake himself, David Hayter (X-Men), was originally going to direct as well as write the screenplay, but he’s only going to be handling scribe duties now. While some will argue that Watchmen is still unfilmable in any form that does it justice, they’re certainly getting the right talent together to take a swing at it.

I reread the book last month and kept the question of ‘how would you make a movie from this’ in my head, and I don’t think it’d be that difficult to do – you’d just have to find a way to get all the background information provided in the prose section at the back of each issue in there, and of course, you could ditch that pirate story completely. I think it’d be do-able. Now as to the question of ‘should you do it’, who knows. Since it’s hardly a conventional super-hero story, I wonder if it’d be able to find an audience in the moviegoing mainstream? Lord knows Hulk was lambasted for NOT being a brainless summer blockbuster. The average punter would likely have no idea what to make of something as thinky/talky as Watchmen, and it’d certainly require a larger budget than something that was destined for the arthouse. The question, I guess, is who would be watching the Watchmen? Yeah, that was bad. Either way, we shall see how this progresses.

I bought the speakers yesterday, but aren’t picking them up until Tuesday or Wednesday, since they have to order in the finish I wanted. I’m very excited about this, though very alarmed that I caught myself eyeing the A/V receivers in the shop yesterday as I waited for my salesguy. It’s a slippery, slippery slope I tell ya.

For some unfathomable reason, I turned on my alarm last night despite the fact that it is, indeed, Saturday. Worst part is that I hit snooze nine times this morning before it occurred to me that I could just turn the damn thing off. It’s interesting, however, just how much dreaming you can get accomplished in nine-minute increments.

np – Stars / Heart

An update on my speaker shopping adventures: I’ve spent the last couple weeks researching what’s out there and what it costs, and had narrowed it down to some mid-range bookshelf speakers from three major Canadian manufacturers – the Paradigm Monitor 3s, the Energy C-3s or the PSB 2Bs. All around the $500-$600 mark.

Well yesterday I saw Kromer Radio’s weekly ad and noted they were selling Mordaunt-Short 914 floorstanders for $500 – half off the regular price. Internet searches didn’t yield too much information on these, so I had to go and take the unprecedented step of actually listening to the speakers instead of reading about them. Crazy, but it just might work. Turns out they didn’t really impress me at all. I was using Calexico’s Convict Pool and Sarah Harmer’s All Of Our Names as listening material (not audiophile-quality, but well-recorded and all I had on me), and I found them incredibly bassy and really fuzzy around the lower midrange and vocals had this unpleasant wooliness – all-around funky and not in a good way. Disappointment.

Since I was there, I also listened to some of the Paradigms I was looking at earlier and by switching back and forth between the various models, I was able to identify the models I liked best – the Paradigm Mini Monitors. However, I was also asking about some of the pricier options, and got a demo of the high-end Paradigm Reference Studio 20s. Now these were impressive speakers – very detailed and articulate with a very good low end for bookshelves. Of course, they also revealed just how poorly recorded (relatively speaking) a lot of the music I listen to is… I liked these speaks a lot and the guy was able to offer me a very persuasive price on them. A few bills more than I had initially intended to spend, but still affordable and when taken in the context of a long-term investment that I’ll be using pretty much every day, it seems reasonable (and justifiable). I’m mulling it over a little more, but I think I’ve made my decision – particularly since the little listening session yesterday trained my ears to notice the awful distortion I’m getting from my current speakers.

For the record, the surrounds on one of the woofers in my current speakers are disintegrating quite nicely – they’re old – and that’s the cause of the buzzing and flapping coming from the speaker. It needs to be repaired, but apparently the only guy who repairs speakers in this town doesn’t like to answer his phone – I’ve been calling for a couple days now to see how I can drop them off to get fixed (they’re old but still very good sounding speakers when working properly) to no avail. How some people stay in business is beyond me.

Tbonedotcom reports that the Franz Ferdinand show on June 14 has been moved from the Phoenix to the Kool Haus due to demand. Fuck that – if people wanted to go so badly, they shoulda bought tickets earlier. It’s called ‘you snooze, you lose’, people. For those of you not from T.O., not only does the Kool Haus have the worst name ever, it also usually sounds shit. Hence my rage.

Rachel Goswell’s solo album Waves Are Universal will be released in North America June 22. The lead-in EP The Sleep Shelter is out May 10 in the UK and while I haven’t heard anything about it coming out domestically on these shores, and any record store worth their ironic trucker caps will have it available on import.

Can’t wait for the new New Year album? Nonogirl Radio has a live show from 2002 to hold you over – sound quality is quite good though the last track cuts off prematurely. Me, I’ve already got a copy of The End Is Near coming to me thanks to eBay – regular folks will have to wait till May 18. But with my luck, it’ll be some nasty promo copy and I’ll still have to buy a new copy next month anyway. Thanks to Blog? No! for the link.

Welcome back to the blogosphere a redesigned Mystery & Misery. Leaner, meaner, Joe Greener.

A note to whoever runs The Daily Charlie – I don’t mind you getting links off me, that’s fine, but copying and pasting my writing almost verbatim and uncredited? In the words of Steve Dallas, “Hey – major uncool”. Knock it off.

np – Bedhead / Transaction De Novo

Sarah Harmer nabs the cover story in this week’s NOW. “Growing up, I was a tomboy girl. Stamina was hot. ‘I can carry that shit. I can drink as many beers as you.'”. How can you not love this woman? Sarah plays the Winter Garden Theatre this coming Monday and Tuesday with Hayden opening. I will be there on the Monday night, sixth row!

NOW also has a gushing review of the Tobin Sprout/Elf Power show from Monday. They list the attendance at 110 – that seems a little generous from my POV, but I never learned to count so I could be wrong.

Just when you think Liz Phair can’t make any worse career moves, she surprises us once again. Witness the odiously-named “Chicks With Attitude” Tour. Sponsored by Maybelline. I’m disappointed that Nina Persson (solo) has been hornswaggled into participating. Nina dear, you’re better than this. As for the rest of the bill, Katy Rose and Charlotte Martin are… who exactly? Yeah, despite the undeniable eye candy value, this one is definitely bad buzz. From Retrobuzz.

The Cure’s new album, the first since 2000’s Bloodflowers, will be out June 22. Festival tours to follow, conceivably also sponsored by Maybelline. The only date for Curefest confirmed so far is July 24 in that hotbed of Cure fanaticism, West Palm Beach, FL – besides Interpol and The Rapture, it looks like Mogwai are now taking part in the festivities, with yet more bands to be announced.

So something that came out of the Minus 5 story in Harp is that while opening for Wilco at one of the last shows at Lounge Ax in January 2000, the Minus 5 did a cover of Neutral Milk Hotel’s “King Of Carrot Flowers” with Jeff Tweedy and Scott McCaughey sharing vocal duties. Does anyone know if recordings of this exist, and if so, how/where to get it? I would very much like to get a copy…’

Ending no small amount of speculation, Fox has confirmed that 24 is coming back for a fourth season. No word on whether or not Keifer will be back as Jack Bauer, or if a days of horrors and indignities will be rained on someone else instead. I think they’re grooming Kim to take the lead – they’ve already established her amazing espionage skills and willingness to shoot anyone and everyone. I think she’s racked up a higher body count than Tony by now.

Now you too can go back in time, save Doc Brown and make out with your mom! Praise eBay.

np – Bob Dylan / Blood On The Tracks

You’ll note that I’ve refrained from almost all hockey commentary over the past week and a half, despite the first round of the playoffs being the top story (deservedly or not) in all the local media. That’s because I know better. Having had the (mis)fortune to be born a Leafs fan, I’ve had a lot of practice having my hopes raised and then dashed on the pointy rocks come playoff time. For that reason, I’ve been following the Buds with a great deal of reservation – the last few years, they’ve shown a great knack for looking disinterested when there’s the most on the line, or otherwise just choking. Well after six games of barely showing up, the Leafs finally decided to play some hockey and beat the Sens handily in game 7, the first game I would say that we deserved to win (Eddie excepted, he’s been sensational). But my favorite thing about the win was the fact that I got to call my old buddy Jim and gloat for the fourth time in five years. You’d think he’d have learned to take his phone off the hook when the Sens get eliminated by the Leafs by now. I can now exit these playoffs happy… unless of course we meet the Habs in the conference final and there’s an opportunity for a second gloating phone call. Oh ho. Philly will be no easy task, but if last night was a sign that the Leafs are finally waking up in these playoffs and we can get Nolan and Sundin back, I’m thinking it’s going to at least be a good series and maybe even one that goes our way. All I ask is that we don’t embarrass ourselves. Not too much to hope for?

I told you she’d be back. Didn’t I say she’d be back? Nellie McKay will be at Lee’s Palace on June 30, tickets $15.50 on sale Thursday. Her live shows come highly recommended by my boss. Really.

The BBC lists their finalists for the greatest opening song lines in history. From the Global Pop Conspiracy.

Going to be on MTV’s Cribs anytime soon? The good people at Rock N Roll Confidential have some helpful tips to make sure you have the lingo down and don’t embaress yourself.

Today’s Doonesbury tackles the topic of casualites in Iraq head on – long-time (36 years!) character DB, stationed in Iraq, loses his helmet as well as his left leg. The Guardian talks to Doonesbury creator Garry Trudeau about his decision to write this storyline. And it’s probably just coincidence, but Get Fuzzy is running a similar plot this week. Sad to think that these will probably be the first appearance of US casualties in some newspapers, and a number of editors are more concerned with the fact that DB says, “Son of a bitch” in an upcoming strip than the message that it’s trying to convey.

24: I swear to God, they have a syphillitic monkey writing Chloe’s dialogue. And it’s about time they got Kim taken hostage again – It’s been at least five or six hours since she’s been kidnapped. I actually thought for sure that there’d be a mountain lion hiding in the library stacks, waiting for Kim… okay, more hoped than thought. That would have been some fine television. That whole sequence was awful predictable though – putting red herring guy in a red shirt? Come on. I don’t know how I feel about their attempts to track the virus at CTU – looked a helluva lot like the SARS nonsense from last year in these parts. Last night’s ep was a bit of a holding pattern, but I guess they needed to catch their breath after last week.

np – J Mascis & The Fog / Free So Free