Now you can not only cast your own movie, but find out it’s projected box office take and critical success. Here’s what it predicted for my magnum opus:

Requiem For A Flying Monkey (R)

(Adventure/Caper Comedy/Musical/Societal Satire)

Starring John Cusack and Naomi Watts

Also Featuring Christopher Walken, John Malkovich, Maggie Gyllenhaal, and Natalie Portman

Directed by Joel Coen

Screenplay by Steven Kloves and David Hayter

Projected Budget Range: $30-39 Million

Planned Release Date: May

Projected Box Office Receipts:

$11.79 million (Opening Weekend)

$61.72 million (Total Domestic Gross)

Chance of getting Oscar Nomination: 4%

Chance of winning at least one Oscar: Slim to None

Critic Most Likely to Praise: Ron Wells, Film Threat

Critic Most Likely to Skewer: Rita Kempley, Washington Post

At least I don’t lose money. Who is this Rita Kempley person? Who is she to criticize my life’s work? Obviously someone who can’t appreciate a good socially conscious musical caper adventure starring John Cusack, a couple cool creepy guys and a bevy of hot actresses, that’s who. I think it’d be a smash, myself.

To the surprise of absolutely no one, Pitchfork savages the new Liz Phair album.

Some more details about SARS-apalooza. The official site can be found here.

np – Steve Earle / El Corazon

I am channel surfing past MuchMoreMusic’s news show, and there’s a piece on indie Canadian bands signing worldwide deals with a variety of high-profile labels. There’s The Hidden Cameras talking about signing with Rough Trade, Moneen with Vagrant, The Weakerthans with Epitaph… all accompanied by clips of their respective music videos. Which is all well and good, except the Hot Hot Heat clip was accompanied by the video for Spoon’s “Small Stakes”. Whoops. It’s okay guys, those old keyboards all sound the same anyway. You can see the video here, if you feel so inclined.

If Amazon.ca is to be believed, FOW’s latest Welcome Interstate Managers will be getting a domestic (Canadian) release on July 8. I can wait another couple weeks if it means avoiding paying import prices (if I could even find it).

The new Death Cab album is entitled Transatlanticism and is scheduled for release on October 7.

The release of the Ride BBC sessions album Waves has been pushed back a bit from late July to August 4 in the UK. No word on a North American release yet. Check out the cover art here.

Guitarist magazine talks to Gemma Hayes

np – Death Cab For Cutie / Forbidden Love

Check out this lineup for the next “Concert For SARS”, taking place at Downsview Park (formerly the airbase) on July 30:

The Rolling Stones

AC/DC

The Flaming Lips

Sam Roberts

The Guess Who

Justin Timberlake

Kathleen Edwards

The Isley Brothers

Tickets are $21, on sale Friday.

I am responding in so many ways right now. Excitement, disgust, confusion… Mostly confusion.

np – The Magnetic Field / Get Lost

It’s the Sneak, it’s the Sneak!

Michigan popsters Saturday Looks Good To Me play the Rancho Relaxo on July 16. I’ve not heard much by them, but what I have is pretty cool, they’ve been getting good reviews and 517 is excited about it, so it could be worth checking out.

Spiritualized have set a September 9 release date for Amazing Grace. I expect to be the only one in the Western hemisphere who hasn’t heard it by that point.

np – Beulah / When Your Heartstrings Break

Wheat will be opening for Liz Phair on her upcoming tour. A few years ago this pairing would have made me very excited. Instead, my primary reaction is one of ambivalence? Will we get coreographed dance routines from Liz and $40 t-shirts from Wheat? Ambivalence.

Some locals might be interested to know that The White Stripes will play the Hershey Centre in Mississauga with Whirlwind Heat on August 5. I’m not interested, but others might be. So FYI.

Sonic Youth had to bow out of their show with Wilco in Boston tonight. The last-minute replacement band? Mission Of Burma. FUCK. Not a bad substitution AT ALL. Man.

Wired interviews the Homestarrunner crew.

np – The Decemberists / Castaways And Cutouts